The sun was high and hot and far away, hovering before continuing on to the hottest part of the day. I inspected the last trellises and turned back toward the house for siesta. On my walk back I could feel the sun burning the moisture out of the air.(more) A couple more hours of heat and then a cool night. 'It'll be good for the grapes,' I thought. 'Good for the sugars.' Days like these left me only with simple, tired thoughts.
The shade in the patio felt like cool water; I stopped a moment to soak in it. The patio smelled of lilac and dusty stones and summer. The day was so hot that even the bugs and the birds didn't stir. I listened intently to the silence; it was a silence so deep that it almost frightened me.
My wife and my daughter bustled in with a spread of plates and bread and a clay pitcher of wine from downstairs. They chattered to one another and to me; I liked the chatter but didn't join in, not today. I listened and ate and then excused myself to go clean up and close my eyes for a moment.
I slept maybe twenty minutes, until one of my own snores roused me. On my way downstairs I caught a glimpse of a lined face in the mirror. The face in the mirror didn't show it, but I was truly happy.
That's what I had heard today in the silence and in the mealtime chatter: my own happiness. I could accept it now in a way I never could when I was young. Why was I so unaccepting of it then?
I stopped thinking about it and continued downstairs, back to my simple thoughts about sugars and sun and family.(less)
Hi, umm… I don’t know you but I couldn’t help but notice.
Notice that you have this look about you.
This sort of sadness you’re hiding behind your eyes, a bright smile that’s barely hanging on.
I’m not too sure where I’m going with this but I just want(more) to say, I understand.
Not to the full extent but I’ve been there.
I loss someone close to me so you can believe me when I say I’ve been down that road.
Those days where you cry in the shower in hopes the water stifles your sobs.
Those nights where you wait until everyone’s asleep just so you can breakdown.
That unrelenting sadness that just… makes you want it to all end…
Yeah, heavy stuff you carry.
I look at you now wanting to comfort you but what does a stranger know of your pain, right?
Just some crazy passerby that thinks they know you.
I wanted distance back then as well.
The blinding anger and uncontrollable sadness left me jaded and hostile as well; I understand.
So when our eyes do cross paths I won’t offer any words just a smile, a sincere smile, to help lighten that future that’s so… unaccepting.