a long time ago the gods walked the earth which was really just all flat land with perpetually short grass all of it the exact same shade of green, a mix of lime and hookers green, though for the ones who care enough to pay attention, the backside is(more) a little darker; there was also a lot of sea, but the sea was maybe a foot deep and without creatures. this was the earth that people remember and the people who remember were actually the little semi-sentient breaths and whispers and words the gods exchanged and exhaled and expelled from their iridescent bodies.
and then the breaths and whispers became little mud children and they baked in the eternal sun and became solid little things that walked and cracked and clanged when they were empty and bumped into each other which was often because it was so crowded. and because theyre courteous, the gods decided to let their bodies go to sleep within their whispers and breaths and words and became little shimmers and the sound of waves and the malachite that made the dirt fun to dig through and rewarding to look at.
and then deer. and monkeys and large toads that dont need the light anymore and squat in the dark underground like books no one borrows from the library. mountains, twisted rivers, precious gems, cloud formations that make you wonder why we chose clay bodies and now those of ice or whatever clouds are made of.
really strong poledancers that can carry their weight with two arms and rotate around that poor and dirty pole like they are walking in a cylindrical chamber that they cant escape from so they just try their best to make it fun to be in.
They don't care. But it's not their fault. They don't care because they don't know. They don't know what I am going through. And they don't know what I am going through because I have kept it hidden from them. That makes it all my fault, again. My. (more) Fault.
I sit at the table with them and they probably talk about the dog and school and the upcoming street barbecue but all I hear in my head is white noise. I go through the motions of cutting, chewing, swallowing but it is like eating cardboard.
"Would you like some gravy?" someone asks.
What? Gravy for my cardboard? Yeah, go on, why not!
They ask me to tidy up my room, to put the laundry in the laundry bin, to take the dog for a walk, to take myself for a walk. And when I don't they think I'm lazy. What they don't know is that I can't. It takes effort to pick the clothes up from the floor and I know that if don't they will get washed anyway. Pointless effort.
I lay awake last night looking at the ceiling. The glow in the dark stars from my childhood still winking at me in the half-light. Why when it is time to sleep am I awake and when it is time to get up all I want to do is to remain under the covers? It usedn't be like this. When did it all change?
They don't seem to notice, don't seem to care. I've realised this recently. How you can observe your own life as if an outsider and step out of it and no one, even those who are meant to love you the most even notice, even care. (less)
It had started to rain with little warning. It wasn't just a drizzle, either - a couple random drops, and then the heavens opened, sending the pedestrians on the sidewalk scurrying while the handful who had umbrellas struggled to get them open quickly.
(more) Gotou spat his soaked cigarette into his hand and fumed just a little, while Masayoshi laughed, water running from his hair. They'd found sanctuary under a shop's awning, sharing the space with another young, umbrellaless couple. They were completely drenched in just a few seconds - and the downpour didn't show any signs of slacking, the wind gusting and sending rain spraying at them even under shelter.
They watched for a little, while the street slowly filled with pedestrians again, umbrellas sprouting up like mushrooms. "It doesn't look like it's going to let up anytime soon," Masayoshi said, linking his arm with Gotou's as they watched the other young couple dash back out into the maelstrom.
Gotou didn't unlink their arms - he just sighed mournfully. Masayoshi beamed at him and tugged on the damp collar of his sweatshirt - Gotou looked over at him in surprise as Masayoshi pulled him closer and kissed him.
"Kiss in the rain," Masayoshi said mischievously, when they parted and Gotou's brow furrowed.
Gotou looked up at the awning over their heads. "Doesn't count," he said. Masayoshi puffed out his cheek in annoyance, then squawked in surprise as Gotou grabbed him firmly and swung him out into the rain.
He was drenched thoroughly almost immediately, but Gotou grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him, the water matting their hair down and sending raindrops sliding down their faces. Masayoshi gasped against his mouth, shocked, and Gotou grinned. "If you're going to kiss me in public, 'yoshi, do it RIGHT."(less)
they never will
they tell me they're better than my pseudofamilies, that by trying to run away i am in fact the traitor here, but the chains and the gossip and the violation (ideological semen forced down my throat and ribcage torn open to reveal my heart and all)(more) say otherwise
the blood of the covenant really is thicker than the water of the womb(less)