You know, you could face your problems unabashed.
They say each day gets easier.
The hardest part is showing up consistently.
'Showing up' however, is myriad in its tough knuckle mystique.
(more) It could mean tending the garden during a bout of paralyzing depression, being there for your son despite the well of survivor's stoicism, creating a structure in a wild heart that thrives on whims...
But the cold comfort of convenience waits to entrance you in it's familiar embrace.
This is who you are.
This is what you know.
You got no fight.
You try to nourish your wounds with bad habits and pretty distractions. You move away from everyone you've ever known and feel sorry for yourself. You cry into your bottle of gin and crumple into the void. The winds screams Odysseus by proxy.
Then one day, you wake up. The wound has healed itself. A sacred equilibrium now manifests in the escapist. You must move forward, there is nothing for you back there.
"I've never been broken up with," I confessed to my Guinness. The stout gathered its foam thickly below the lip of the pint glass, froth crawling along like the line at a bank with no television.
The bartender indulged me. "So you're a big heartbreaker, huh?"
I swirl(more)ed my beer again. Watched it settle. "I don't know. Maybe more like an escapist."
His soft "ha" was rendered audible by the silence between jukebox songs. Quarters and shrieks of laughter bounced off off of the machine somewhere behind me. Barkeep wiped the counter next to me with a gray rag, said: "I've met at least a thousand sad fucks like you. Reality is, the day you truly get lucky is the day you realize there's one person you can't escape from."
"And then what?" Like love could be that simple.
"You get your shit together. You figure out how to love someone without getting in your own damn way. You learn to talk. You start to understand how fuckin' doomed you are if you don't lay it all out on the line every single day."
I took a slow drink. "Then you find The One, get married, pump out a few kids and ride off into the sunset?"
He tossed the rag over his shoulder. It landed perfectly in the bag hanging from the wall. "Depends. You find one. Maybe it works out. Maybe you eat shit again and it hurts worse than it did every other time because your heart was actually in it."
Gotou greeted Masayoshi at the door with an exhausted, exasperated expression. "Guess which one is yours," he said by way of greeting.
Masanori sat against Gotou's hip, face tucked in to Gotou's chest and chewing sleepily on one end of the superhero cape that was safety-pinned to his(more) pajama top. Keiko, on the other hand, was being held upside-down buck naked, legs kicking as she shrieked "NO NO NO NO."
"Technically they're both mine," Masayoshi said, unable to help the amused smile. He held out his arms and Masanori lifted his head and shifted, nuzzling against Masayoshi and not putting up a fuss. "Hey little bird," he said, kissing the top of Masanori's head. "Got your bath?"
Masanori nodded his head slowly against Masayoshi's chest.
"I'm going to try to get this one clothed again," Gotou said, still holding Keiko upside-down. "You know, at some point you're going to be really embarrassed you were running around naked in a house of guys, Keiko-chan."
Keiko continued to kick fruitlessly in the air and her litany of "no's" trailed off into an outright wails.
"She gets this from you, you know," Gotou said with an exasperated sigh as he turned, carrying their screaming daughter toward the bedroom.
"I don't randomly get naked for NO reason," Masayoshi said indignantly.
"The way you phrased that makes me think that there have been more occurrences of nudity that you've neglected to share with me," Gotou said dryly, and Masayoshi, gratifyingly, turned pink.
"Just the one time!" Masayoshi said indignantly.
"Two times," Gotou said, as Keiko's kicking feet finally connected. He let out a surprised noise and she wriggled free, bolting down the hallway.
"Naked baby on the loose," Masayoshi said, and Gotou sighed deeply.
"Welcome home," Gotou said, patting Masayoshi's shoulder and headed after her.(less)