these are the things that turn blood to nothing: the things that take time and essence and the following force of a blow to the knees, ramrod straight backs and the fettering acid drip of bloody noses on early mornings lit with fire and smoke beneath the lashes and(more) the lost ache underneath the breastbone-- these are awful. these are strange tides that no one speaks of and barking agamemnons that pour their peace into empty goblets because they believe they are holy and righteous.
i have lain in beds that curse dying, that curse living, that sit upon thrones built from the smallest moment in life. a moment of blinding love and aching thighs, the damp curl of sweat and a festering wound-- teethmarks cutting into feverish skin --in your wrist, itching and burning because that boy's teeth weren't clean and your blood is full of salt water.
i sit now in the back of a truck-- tipping, slightly, mind fogged --with my mind curdled into a solid shape beneath my skull. fox is whipcord strong, sharp; a long, steely wire built from muscle and sinew, he lies back and blows smoke from his lungs, ash catching on his tongue.
"how is dying?"
awful sorts become awful thoughts, and i pitch myself forward to feel the cold thrum of the truck's metal beneath my skin, beneath my soul. i am lost at thought. fox repeats the question.
"you're an awful downer. you know-- tell me what it feels like. how is it?"
a bubble of something manic and hysterical catches beneath my adam's apple and everything lies still beneath the warm breeze. i am smoke and sand and everything repugnant in its fleeting thought: an awful reprimand from god.
"The picture painted, the word written, and sound of joy uttered, they are all artists, as am I" Frank says
"But Frank.." Jim says pausing
(more) "You review porn sites, and rate them, I mean that's not exactly in good taste" Jim finishes
"You just don't understand Jim, you know how long it takes to just find that movie, that one movie that just pushes your buttons, that's who I review the sites for, so you don't waste time seeing things you'd rather not, or going to sites you wouldn't waste a moment on" Frank says
Jim sighs "Ok fine, it has it's place but I don't think anyone would consider what you do artistic, or beautiful"
"Maybe not to you, but think about it, suppose you are in the mood to watch something particular, your wife is going to be home soon, and you have maybe 10 minutes to handle your business, would you prefer wasting time sorting through movies, videos, pictures, and websites or just go to one spot do a spot check and be all set for what you want?" Frank continues...
"I'm good at it, and I think people can appreciate me for my talent" he ends
"Sorry Frank there is nothing noble in helping people find pornography, and besides this isn't the mid 90's no one subscribes to porn sites anymore" Jim says
"Fine, just you wait until you have 2 minutes before the wife comes through the door, and your stuck on some site with furries diddling each other, and then come back and tell me what I do isn't artistic, or needed" Frank finishes
"Fuck...furries you got me there, that's a bad spot to be in, maybe there's something to what your saying" Jim says considering