in moments of absolute clarity jinyoung would find himself standing over gatlin's bedside in the early hours of the morning, his fingers tacky with sweat, forehead melting into his eyes like the caustic sting of shampoo, and finally, with the soft slowness of sheets being pulled away from a(more) warm body, his heart beating in the base of his throat.
"i had a dream i killed you."
groggy with sleep and tugging the sheets over his fluttering eyelids, gatlin grumbled into his pillow. "i could say the same."
"you don't worry about it?"
"why?" he whispers. "why worry about the inevitable?"
gatlin's lips pulled into something of a grimace, hands reaching for something on the bedside table until, at last, they scrabbled over the smooth surface of an orange pill bottle, label peeling around the edges.
"you think i'll kill you?"
"either way," gatlin sat up, hair flattened on one side of his head, and popped the top off the bottle. "one of us will die by the other."
one. two. three. four. gatlin shoves the medication into his mouth, swallowing a few times to get them down. they stare at each other.
"what?" gatlin laughs, poking at the sweat stains around jinyoung's collar. "did it really scare you that much?"
it terrified me, he wants to say. i feel like i'm losing control right now.