We go on walks in the dark blue dawn and when we stop by the bay to watch the sun rise, I feel myself open to you, my soul huddled and trembling at your feet. Do you do the same for me?
I wish you would speak t(more)o me with sincerity. Tell me what you think. Tell me about the moment you became fully yourself, like a a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. Tell me what you think about late at night. Tell me what you think of me. Speak candidly--do you love me?
When the sun rises we go our separate ways--home for a quick nap and breakfast, then to opposite ends of the city for work. When the sun rises I hold my aching heart in my hands and watch you, and I still do not know the answer to my question.(less)
I've been in this hospital for 46 days now. The nurses come in four times a day. "How are you, hun?" I nod my head, to show I am responsive and okay. They fluff my pillows, give me my pills and leave.
My husband comes in three times a(more) day. Once at seven, once at eleven pm and once at five pm. Seven am is usually too early for me, I'm in a hospital bed and can't complain. The doctor also makes his way around the rooms seven am. I can hear the doctor and my husband talking in concerned whispers outside of my door.
My mother comes in twice a day. Once at noon and once at five pm. She asks if they're nurses are nice and if I'm comfortable. She kisses me on the cheek and tells me to get well.
My daughter comes in once a day at eleven pm. Visiting hours end at eight pm, but the nurses do not care. Before my hospital stay, I had not seen her in eight years.
"Why did you do this to yourself, mom?" she asks. She is on the side of my bed and I am too weak turn to see her, but I know she is crying. She was the only one who knew before my hospitalization that I drink alcohol every single day.
I am too weak to tell her that I love her. That I am sorry. That I should have listened to her in her adolescent years, when she would scream and cry and tell me I drank too much.
"They said you're going to die soon," she says. Then she leaves.
That is the only sincerity I have heard all day. (less)