You really shouldn't try so hard. It never works. I've been trying to tell you this your whole life--but it's like you never listen.
I told you when you wanted to be friends with those girls in first grade, then second grade, then third grade--you know, Christy Heiens(more) and Samantha Hoyt and them. I know, ick. But you thought they were so cool then. It didn't help that mom thought they were cool too. I was so relieved when you gave up on being in that crowd, but--maybe you don't even remember how disappointed she was? Yeah.
I was so glad when you just gave in and embraced the nerdy girls and their aesthetics, you were such a happier kid, too. And you were friends with Radha and Abby and Susan in third and fourth grade, then fifth grade you and Sarah became "best friends." That was so good. Remember how you danced all the time? And she sang, she had that amazing voice... so you just danced and sang, danced and sang. Sometimes to the music I listened to, which I thought was so so cool--New Order and The Cure--sometimes to the music you were starting to find yourself--Madonna and George Michael... which I knew wasn't cool, but I knew the standards were different for fifth graders, and I tried really hard to be okay with that. High school was so hard. Now you know how hard high school was.
Anyway, now you get it. Now you don't try, now you don't ever seem to have anything to prove to anyone, you just do your thing. Go little sister! I try to be like that--but honestly, you might do it better.(less)
Sometimes I just shouldn't try
to read minds
sorry, it's a bad habit
that I'm trying to break
because what I get through all the static
are comments I'd rather not hear
(more) I thought I was an optimistic person
guess my subconscious disagrees (less)
Movements slowed, thoughts drift, head lost
Whisky drank, punch-drunk, room dark
Streetlights on, TV off, radio low
Nothing’s right, everything’s wrong, nothing left
Night falls, ghostly blanket, minds dull
Cool chill, cold shoulders, hot air
(more) Fevered tips, evening unravels, descends uncoiled
Float on, the night, handcuffed
Goliath, David mask, self-defeated
Ending’s swift, beginning’s brutal, self-flagellation
Moon rises, night falls, I sink