Sometimes I think about downgrading my job, or - more accurately - taking on a secondary, much different job. It would be like assuming a disguise. The economic equivalent of stepping into a phone booth to change clothes, emerging and walking around in a different context where no one(more) recognizes you. I wonder what it would be like to work in a bar or deliver food on my bicycle. Or a waitress - I've never been a waitress. I've had my share of bad jobs but never having been a waitress seems like a sort of shortcoming.
I get tired of "identifying" with my job. I get tired of playing a role and taking classes to improve my performance. I get tired of professional standards and keeping my fingernails unpolished and trimmed. But the money is good and it is a "respected" profession. Even that gets boring.
Every so often I just want to be anonymous and unmoored. Take a job where you aren't registered anywhere and are paid in cash. Ringing doorbells to drop off dim sum. A voice on the phone when you press "0" to be connected to the operator. I'm probably too old to be a waitress now...too old to take shit, too old to look particularly good. But I could power wash sidewalks at 7am in the morning, just before pedestrian traffic gets too crazy, respectfully turning off my hose when foot traffic goes by so I don't speckle their office shoes with sidewalk grit.
I could sweep floors. That one, I've already done. So why do I think about it still?(less)
God must have been laughing when I pictured our futures together. But I wasn’t what you were looking for, at least not in the end. I was short on affection, short on words, short on love, short on everything.