Can you find serenity in the city? For me, it cannot be found as easily as when I'm sitting in front of the ocean, my toes warming from the diluted heat of an Autumn sun. It doesn't come as effortless as when I'm standing amongst redwoods, dwarfed by their towering(more) limbs and silenced by their age.
Where is a serene scene in Seattle?
Oh okay, I did find a few. My rooftop, for example, overlooking the Columbia tower. Mount Rainier visible on a rare clear day. But the peacefulness was interrupted by I-5... cars, traffic, noise.
I thought I found it again in the deep chimes of St. James cathedral. The beautiful din traveling through air in a straight line to my ears. But that panhandler really soured it all.
I finally did find it though. Sitting a top Gas Works park's grassy hill. Pointing due south with an incomparable view of downtown. But I didn't find it in my surroundings. True, they are what began cultivating the feeling.
But I honestly found the serenity I was searching for when I stopped for silence and heard it within my chest, lungs, rattling right in the heart.(less)
I took a deep breath, and lay there, looking at the ceiling. My hands throbbed, but I could feel my heart rate returning to normal. My eyes were wet, still, but I could see better now. I felt like I could see through everything.
(more) I rolled on to my side and reached out for my little boy. Drawing him to me I curled myself around him and held him there. I wished for a moment that I could warm him with my own body heat one more time; as though we had just stayed out a little too long playing in the snow. As though it were ...
It all seemed so silly now. The shattered windows, the overturned furniture, the dinner dishes scattered and broken. The dinner we had made together; guiding his tiny hands with mine. Teaching him about hot things, and sharp things. I felt foolish, all this drama. All sparked by some little morsel that refused to go down. Some little bit that refused to dislodge, despite all my efforts.
We had a class on this at work. What to do if a coworker needed assistance. How to respond, what steps to take.
So much investment in this world. So much preparation, and planning. So much time and effort for something so brief, something so slippery and wiggly, so hard to hold.
It was clear now. I don't know why it wasn't at first. I suppose there is a certain process that the mind goes through.
Wherever he has gone to, I must follow him. To walk behind him but always be looking ahead for slips and trips and fast moving cars and large dogs. I rolled up my sleeve, and began picking through the broken glass for a good looking tool.(less)
It was the eve of his thirtieth birthday, a date many twenty-somethings dread. For Raymond, however, the only anxiety he felt was that the clock would hit midnight and the deed would be done.
For him, beginning his third decade brought a sigh of relief. Whenever he stoppe(more)d to think about his next ten years he would feel a deep calm wash over him, as though he were about to level up.
No longer would he be worried about the obstacles of young adult life, the pressure of trying to please people or the fear of things unknown.
Oh, it might have worried him at first, but as the days ticked nearer he suddenly realized all that had transpired to bring him to this place; college, falling in love, falling out of love, finding new interests, losing them, moving, eviction, termination, and all the fun little quirks life will throw at a person in between.
When all is said and done, he realized he was no longer worried about the future, about aging, or about what people thought of him. He would sometimes walk around town in horribly mismatched clothes, sandals covering his thick winter socks just because screw everyone else. This was his life and he would live it for no one else. (less)