It was not running away. It was "travelling". Seeing the world, different sights, breathing in foreign smells and eating in restaurants where they didn't speak any English and, and they didn't have pictures of the food on the menus either! It was not, I repeat, not running away. (more) But it was.
Yes, I admit it, I did like to go on holidays. I figured that a slightly longer holiday would constitute "travelling" and that that, I had reasoned was acceptable under the circumstances. At least from the outside looking in. People took time out and career breaks all the time. Only deep down I knew that it wasn't a yearning for South East Asia that brought me to the travel agents that day. It was plain and simple. I thought that if I looked in the mirror at that moment that it would be so glaringly obvious it would be like being branded with the word "coward" across my forehead.
Never the less, the nice lady in the travel agents didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she was polite enough not to comment. Her hands whizzed over the keys looking for transfers, connecting flights, piecing my itinerary together like a snugly fitting gig-saw. Just to opposite of the way my life was. The only thing that was snugly fitting in my life at that moment were my jeans. As a side-effect I had hoped that I could manage to drop a few pounds, but hey, the humidity of Vietnam and Laos should look after that too. Every cloud and all that.
"There you go, all booked!" she grinned at me possibly a little bit too enthusiastically. I smiled back at her weakly. There was no pleasure in taking the first step of this particular journey.(less)
While we are running away from
the kingdom of our originations;
not hierarchical but rather holistic
like a fine gossamer web
spun under duress in the wind and rain and lightning,
the other is running towards.
(more) Towards separation and despair and a distance
so vast that no amount of language can bridge the yawning chasm between.
Our restlessness belies our true desire for unity
though only in stillness and silence
will the voice of the universe be heard,
first as a whisper
quickly growing to an all encompassing roar like waves
ceaselessly beating their rhythms on an impossible shoreline refusing to move, but rather eroding
one particle at a time
to be carried away
and reunited on a distant sandy beach.
Hamlet has no hand to do his dirty work. To be or not to be (infinity plus or minus)
Each has what the other wants as long as neither gives either what the other wants.
Tangled enigmas elliptically dancing among spikes among daggers around them in bunches the valley of thorns the razor blade lotus the tiger between the love of all things approaching its own contradiction.
I hope that you've learned what the terrible mess that I'm in when I spin the tale that I'm weaving I cannot endure it not to make sense I'm in love with obsession but I'm so mildly sane, I.(less)
All my life I've been running away. Well, that's not entirely true. But I've taken to running away some five years ago. I joined the college I thought I liked but I had a very vague idea of what people do in college. Moreover, the films I watched glorified(more) college-going experiences like bunking classes, sitting in the cafeteria all day long and somehow edging out in the final exams. And this, my friends, is what I thought college life was all about.
So I bunked classes while others religiously attended it. Somehow nobody tried to knock sense into me. Or rather, they did but I thought they were wrong. Ah, the young, stupid, naive mind. Anyway I couldn't keep up with the classes and I ran away from it all.
This game of hide and seek cost far too much for me to keep count. I hated college life. Aren't I supposed to like all this like the movies told me? Anyway, I wanted out. Scratch that. I wanted the easy way out. So I quit. I ran away.
Now, I thought I will just restart my life over by joining another college. That was four years ago. I wasn't any more enlightened than I was before. But I atleast knew if I didn't attend classes like I did until high school, I'm not gonna make it in life. That brought about a change in me.
Four years later, my college is over. I'm officially a graduate. Did I stop running away? No. I don't think so. I have done several embarrassing things that I don't ever wanna relive and I'll probably hide under a rock if those ever come out. But I'm trying to be strong. Maybe I'll become strong. One day. In this life or another. (less)