Have you ever heard the phrase "in it to win it"? I always felt like that's how a guy should approach life. Y'know, like it's all a big game and everybody's a player--an opponent. Ever since my first erection in elementary school, when I was the first boy(more) in my class to get one or even know what it was and I thought: HA, I win! Ever since then I've just played the game--and won.
I strolled down the hallways in my middle school, taller than the other boys and most of the girls too. I had told Jimmy Harkon that my dick was 8 inches and he spread that information around just as fast as I thought he would. By the eighth grade I had slept with two and a half girls, for real and the half was only because we were so drunk by that point that we kind of just fell asleep half naked in Jimmy's bathroom. It turned out alright 'cause I told everyone we'd done it anyway.
In high school what other kids were calling my "body count" had skyrocketed. I'd discovered that if there was going to be drinking involved it had better be the girls I was trying to bone, y'know? I was no good if I drank too much, but the more they had, the easier it was for me (I mean sometimes they were really pissed the next day, y'know, but what can I do?) In any case, chicks cry at the drop of the hat.
I dunno, they say I'm a bad guy. Hell, maybe I am; sometimes I do it just cause I like how they squeal. If I ever quit it, stopped chasing my own good feeling, well I might die. Die and go straight to hell. Figures.(less)
There are long-winded and inky love letters stashed between the mattress and box-spring. It seemed natural to wedge them there as I received them. A few arrived by mail. Others slipped under the door. I read each once, then absorbed the blank spaces and smudges while I slept, trying(more) to learn something, gain anything from their smokey taboo. Silence, then the muffled sound of flannel sheets against a prickly leg as I roll over. I feel nothing except for jealousy because she can share her depths on paper, unafraid of losing control. I can't quit because I never started. (less)