Lost in the chaos
of the birds and bees
is this beautiful truth:
You get two first kisses.
(more) The first one is likely
to be awkward, rushed,
too wet, too dry, at the
wrong time, in the wrong
place, for the wrong reasons,
or with the wrong person.
But it will buy you some time.
The second first kiss
is your your first
good kiss, the one that
makes you feel dizzy
and weak and on fire,
grown up and powerful,
electrified and loved,
unreal, and alive.
This is the kiss for which
there is no substitution,
the one from which
there is no turning back. (less)
When the time comes, you will understand. There will be no butterflies, no hesitation, no turning back. That moment of clarity will crystallize around your very soul, almost sharp enough to slice your heart. You will want it...crave it...even need it, and whether or not you are(more) ready, it will happen. Your future will crash down around you in a cacophony of realizations and the forming of new memories.
When you look back, to see where you have been, 16 years have passed you by...with no regrets you will face forward once more, ready for the next 40+ years. Your only doubt is if you will survive long enough to enjoy it all.
Two coats of Chanel Red and I could still taste James on my lips.
The streets were quiet on the walk home but my mind was noisy. After I goaded James into kissing me he disappeared as usual. Not literally but damn close to it.
He infuriated me with(more) his stupid logic and common sense. He also tasted a little like warm honey and cinnamon. And that kind of thinking is what gets me in trouble.
But that's the thing, it shouldn't be trouble.
I thought back to the night James almost kissed me in my car, when the snow fell fast and hard, covering us and keeping the world outside. He was still torn about the idea of us as an 'us' and I knew he felt guilty about the whole making-me-a-vampire thing.
It was freezing that night and it surprised me that we both shivered. I didn't realize that cold would bother vampires. We huddled near each other in front of the heater-vents and found ourselves just a breath away when there was a sharp rapping on the window. We jumped apart, it was my drummer telling me the gig was cancelled because of the storm.
Just another convenient excuse for James to grab onto out of a misplaced sense of honor. He thinks he'll clip my wings before I fly or something equally as ridiculous. Sometimes I think he's just afraid to let himself have what he wants. Of course if I told him that he'd just roll his eyes.
Tonight though, when his animal showed through and he kissed me exactly how I remembered, I saw a change in his eyes, a fire to equal mine. I could see in his eyes that he knew there was no turning back.
I'd passed that point long ago.(less)
I hated piano, no that's not true, I hated practicing the piano. I hated taking just a moment of my time just to play some music I didn't even care about. In fact, I didn't really like any music at all. It all just sounds the same. Because I(more) can't sing very well, to me singing is just singing. It doesn't matter who's singing, it all sounds the same. I really don't care for music at all.
But my father insisted upon it. He promised me an incentive he had never offered before. He would buy me a Gameboy and let me have any video game I want. One week before the big recital he took me to Best Buy where we found a Black Gameboy Advance SP. I didn't really care much about video games at all back then. This would be my very first video game. I remember my friends talking about playing Pokemon Firered and Leafgreen. I decided to get Pokemon Firered because the Pokemon on that cover looked cooler. I hadn't really cared much for Pokemon at all since Kindergarten but I was in 3rd grade with nothing to do so I asked my dad to buy me that game.
After the recital, which went by alright, I decided to see what I had been missing. I opened the box, turned on the game, and began my adventure. As soon as I saw Professor Oak, a face I recognized, I began to feel comfort in playing this new game. This was the beginning of my journey. The beginning of my path to where I am today. The start of my addiction. Pokemon.
There was no turning back, it was only a matter of learning the basics and becoming the obsessed freak I am today.(less)
Is this really what I want for myself? Am I doing the right thing? At the time it had seemed like the best option; the only option. Is it still? I cannot imagine any other choice, let alone one that would be better. But this one…Is it right?
It doesn’t matter. I have begun. I am already half way there. I am half way gone. I cannot look behind me. There will be no turning back.
Sometimes I feel as though there's no turning back. My love is way too strong. I hate it sometimes. I wish I didn't get involved with guys. When I sit and think about it, since I've been dating, I've never been single, I've always had a guy to talk(more) to, always. I always wind up getting so attached, so fast..and for there's no turning back(less)
The path forward was clear. There was but one thing to do, and as much as he didn't want to do it, he had to. There was nothing to be done about it but to keep moving. There was no turning back.
As he walked down the road(more) toward that fate which he did not want to reach, he could not stop thinking about how he had arrived there. Had it really been such a bad thing which he had done? He had only been trying to help.
Perhaps it really had been a mistake. Was it really such a good idea to do what he had done, simply for one, single girl? Sure, she was quite a beautiful girl, but...
It was too late to change the past. He had no choice but to continue to move on. No turning back.
So on he walked, towards the execution stand, where he would pay for humiliating the queen in order to impress a single girl with whom he had fallen in love.