It's firefly season again, did you know? I'm staring up at the moon and the stars and feeling so far away. Just me and the fireflies. It feels like I'm alone.
I did all the things we used to do in the summer. I woke up to cold(more), cardboard cheese pizza for breakfast. I wrote part of a story. It wasn't the same without someone to write the other character. I watched Hook, but only part of the way through, during the hottest part of the day and drove to the gas station to get coffee after that. I walked to the park and swayed back and forth on the swings as the sun set, singing disney songs at the top of my lungs. My lone alto voice just didn't sound the same without your soprano.
Now I'm laying out on top of the jungle gym, staring out at the field to my right. The stars twinkled up above, and the lightning bugs flash below. I'm so far away and so are you, and all it means is distance.
I guess I'm just missing you. It's either that, or I'm missing the time when things were less complicated. How are you doing? I hope your life is going well. How are my old friends? The ones who stayed with you as I ran away from the words "I think I love you". I guess I'm missing them too.
I suppose it's odd to wonder where you've all gone when I'm the one who left. (less)
Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you, you son of a bitch. You're a coward. That's why you did it. You're a liar, too. You told us you were going far away and that you were the happiest you've ever been now that it had been decided. Then(more) again you told us those bruises were from falling down the steps. I hate you. No I don't. I don't mean it.
Why, though? For two years I fantasized every single day about what you were doing. I envied you. Even if you were homeless and broke you were FREE. You weren't stuck in Mr. Saulsbury's health class with Corey and Tyler and Darryl and James and I. They asked us if we knew where you were and we said no, and we weren't lying. There were reports from as far as Philadelphia. That's what they told us. We would all get high and think about you and talk about where you could be and if we would ever see you again. The cops said they looked everywhere. Fuck you. You're selfish. You could have told us. Spared us the hope. Spared us the anxiety of those two winters of wondering if you were alive. I don't mean it. Maybe I'm the selfish one.
They found you fifty fucking yards from your grandmother's back step. After two years. Why didn't they look harder? Yeah you were a poor black kid with a fucked up family but why? Why didn't you let us help?
Your dad cried at your funeral. I wonder if that would make you as mad as it made me.
My heavenly body.
I navigate by you when I'm alone.
You never fail to steer me through the dark.
(more) To me you were ephemeral. Like a ghost. It seemed no matter how close I got, I could never reach out and touch you. I was so afraid you would disappear. You were too sacred to me. I was too afraid to make you real.
You never wanted that. I realize now that it forced a distance to grow between us. Before too long, you became the disembodied spirit that I made you.
Now all I have is what I see when I look at the stars.(less)
Lovino misses him most in the middle of the night. When he thinks he sees shadows moving in the room and reaches over to feel a warm body next to his. There’s nothing there though, not anymore. Nothing but the strange shapes on the wall.
(more) Gilbert’s been dead for months and he just wants to know when the ghostly apparitions will go away.
If they’ll ever go away.
Lovino wonders if he’s going crazy.
And he wonders if that will help him miss Gilbert a little less.
"Why are you sad?" Boyd asked, dropping himself unceremoniously into Donnie's space. Donnie glared at him. "This is sadness right? Or is that just your face?"
"How did you get into my house?"
"Your mum let me in! She's a lovely lady, made me eat some cookies before I(more) came up here."
"My mum gave you cookies?" Donnie asked, quirking an eyebrow. Boyd nodded. "My mum doesn't bake. At all. Last time she tried she almost burnt her face."
"Well someone's in a bad mood." Boyd crossed his arms huffily. Donnie rolled his eyes. "What is it? Did someone die?"
"Steal your bass?"
"Is this about the James guy?"
"Oh, this is totally about the James guy." Boyd draped himself over Donnie's ahoulders. "Are you having boy trouble?"
"No!" Donnie shoved Boyd off. "I do not have boy trouble with James!"
"Really?" Boyd frowned. "Cause it seems like you've been having boy trouble with him since I met you."
"Is it cause you miss him?" Boyd cut across. "Cause by the sounds of it he's been missing you."
"He doesn't!" Donnie threw his arms up. "He misses his brother and he misses his old life and I am not a part of his self-destruction I'm just some fucking bystander who just has to let him ruin himself for no reason!"
Boyd blinked at him.
"That seems a lot like boy trouble to me." Boyd murmured. Donnie groaned and slumped forward. "Wanna talk about it?"
"I'm still staying here."
Hello? John? Oh, I guess I got the machine again. I'm not sure why I keep missing you, I'm calling when you said you were available. Huh. Well. Anyway. I just wanted to let you know that the peaches have all gone bad so I threw them away. They(more) had some brown mushy spots. Um. You probably would've eaten around them but I bet they would've been too sweet and in a day or two there would have been fruit flies. You know how Tabby gets crazy when there are fruit flies. Anyway. I threw away the peaches. Also, Dexter got into the closet again. Did you leave the bedroom door open when you left for this trip? You left the coffee pot on. I'm surprised I didn't come to a home burnt down after work. Anyway, the clothes are mostly fine. He didn't pee in there like last time. Remember that? Another morning when you were too rushed to close the bedroom door. Or was that me? Anyway he got to that ratty old pair or running shoes that you refuse to throw away. Needless to say I threw them away. You know I've been waiting for an excuse. But this is a good one. He chewed off the heel of the left one and somehow separated the toe and the sole of the right. And I think he has fleas. I'm taking him and Tabby to the vet tomorrow. Tabby might be in heat; she won't shut up. What's the cat version of a dildo, we might need to invest. Or one of those little stuffed cats she can have her way with. Poor girl. I hope this conference is going well and you come back with tons more clients. Two weeks is tough. And I miss you. (less)
You were here and now you're not. You've left and there's nothing that I can do about it, but hope and pray that you're thinking about me too. You wanted to leave, but that's not my fault... unless it is, then I am so sorry. I'm sorry for forcing(more) you to leave me. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I don't know what it was or what I did, but I am so sorry. Everything I ever did was to show you that I loved you. I guess that never really mattered. (less)
Edward brushed his hair back with one hand and frowned at the face he saw in the mirror. It was too early for him to be fully awake, and the bruise on his jaw from the brawl at the station had only just started to fade. He tilted his(more) head back, looking along the length of his jaw for other obvious wounds, and his eyes were drawn instead to the smaller, fresh bruises along the lower portion of his throat - considerately marked directly under the portion of his neck that would be covered by the high collar of the military uniform. Edward ran his fingers over them, and then turned on the tap.
It was strange, the silence that had descended on his apartment. He should be used to it by now - he had lived alone for years, and now Rian was in and out, here and gone, hopscotching across the country on a whim as Edward sent him on clean-up duty jobs to keep him busy. If he lingered, Edward thought to much .... and even when he wasn't here, the younger alchemist was a dominant presence in his life. It was a strange feeling that had blanketed him ever since Rian started stashing clothing in his closet and left a toothbrush in his bathroom - a feeling that Edward had not managed to put together yet. He should be used to things occurring beyond his sphere of control by now - but that really didn't make it any easier.
Edward's fingers lingered on the marks on his throat. Rian had learned dominance quickly, he had learned precisely what to do to make Edward's toes curl and his fingers claw at the bedsheets. And yet here he was, waking up alone, Rian's side of the bed untouched.(less)