My grandfather died when I was six. We lived an ocean apart, but he was my favourite person in the world.
I hadn't believed the books when they told me that the memories would attack you, pushing you down and forcing you to remember, tears streaming down you(more)r face endlessly. It was cruel, the way the best people were always torn from life the most ruthlessly, like a big "fuck you humanity" from the universe.
The day after, my parents offered to let me stay home. I chose to go to school. I made my way through the day numbly, with a huge smile plastered on my face.
"My grandfather died." I told my best friend, my cheeks aching.
"Oh." She replied. "Why are you smiling?"
I didn't tell her that I was afraid that if I let go of that smile, even for a second, the tears would never stop dripping.
The truth is, death changes a person, even in the subtlest ways.
My atheist father started to wander into our backyard occasionally, to lower his head and pray. My mother attacks household chores like beating them out will make her feel better. And I can't ever pour my emotions out anywhere but to myself and to paper. (less)
Sometimes it feels like you can't be real with anybody.
Because as soon as you are, they get upset. Because honesty is heavy. It tells people the raw truth about how you feel, who you are, how you react. And sometimes that means stamping on someone else's ow(more)n truth, their own reactions and feelings. Simply because you don't agree.
It's so much better, in some ways, to lie. To pretend you are someone else. Someone who can uphold those feelings, actions, reactions. Someone who can say "Yes. That's right! You go!" A support, even if it means hiding your true thoughts and feelings.
So cherish your ability to lie. Encourage your skills at choking back your feelings and silencing your opinions. Train yourself to pretend and to act.
Ultimately it will make your relationships in life a lot smoother.
And fairy tales wilted to newspapers littering the side walks she walked alone.
Childhood is to be held close, made safe, innocence kept, a matter to be cherished.
It is also something so easily torn away, tainted, and stained like streaks on your cheeks from the dirty air and world around you as the street shadows rise up to bring you in closer to them, further from you.
Hold it like the delicate butterfly it is, breathe life into it's gossamer wings while they still flutter.
Because some day, it won't be there anymore.(less)
Cherries. Small red fruits, grown from a plant in the ground through scientific processes that were observed, studied and replicated, time and time again. We observed the plant, the leaves, the flowers, the roots, the dirt in which it was planted. All took a part in the growth and(more) supplementation of the cherries. The water from the rain, provided by clouds, formed through evaporation of ground water. Rivers and lakes formed, which were observed and then copied in the form of irrigation and water storage. Farms were built, and we took the cherry's seeds and planted them, mass produced them. Now there are enough cherries for anyone.
I don't like cherries much. In fact, I don't think I've ever tried one. But I am grateful for them, I cherish them and all other fruits and vegetables and plants and animals. All provided by dozens and dozens of different things, all with their own scientific terms and studies. You could ask me about eggs. I could give you hundreds of words talking about them and how they come to be in our homes and different foods, such as cake or cookies.
It's the little things. But they aren't little things are they? They are big! Bigger than we could think of. Not many people do. All these little things exist so that we might too. Take even one of these little things away, and we fade. One small tip of the scale, and we plummet. I cherish everything we have, and everything we don't have. We don't own these processes, we don't own life. We're given it. We've studied it, and repeated it, enhanced it. What if, one day, one of the little things decided "No... it's time to stop."? What would we do? That's why I cherish it all.(less)