Shiro was in the back, running the dishwasher when he heard the unmistakable sound of calamity coming from the front. He wiped his hands on his apron and nudged the door aside to assess the level of threat, before pushing it entirely opening because, what the /fuck/.
(more) There was a naked woman in the bar, one bare foot on the bartop and heading quickly all the way over, and Matt was currently attempting to climb the fixtures that framed the large mirror.
"What," Shiro said, "the /fuck./"
"Shiro!" Matt wailed. "Call her off, call her off-"
The naked woman was standing on the bar, clearly oblivious to her nudity, hands propped on her hips. "Two /years/," she said, glaring at Matt. "Two years, and I find you have stolen him? I should skin you right now, in front of your people. Make an example of you for the world to see."
Shiro placed himself in front of Matt, staring up at the woman. "Ma'am," he said. "Please get off the counter."
"He knows," she pointed at Matt, "what has become of my brother, the prince. He will tell me, so that I can kill his captor and free him to return to his people."
Shiro cleared his throat, somehow didn't even break stride. "Maybe first get down from the counter," he said.
"Clothes," Matt chirped weakly. "Tell her to put on clothes."
Shiro grabbed Matt by the front of his shirt. "We'll be right back," he told her, as she climbed down behind the bar, and he yanked Matt into the back room so fast the door possibly broke the sound barrier.
"What," Shiro hissed, slamming Matt against the nearest surface, "the fuck is going on here, Matt?"
"Uh," Matt said. "So, she's my ex, and she's Lance's sister."(less)