Tonight I saw a picture of cows in a gallery and thought, "I will never buy a picture of cows; I know too much about cows." I would, however, buy a picture of a bucket of milk on the floor of a barn, at 5:00 a.m., foam on the(more) top, steam rising up while I lead the recalcitrant Jersey cow out to field, both of us having delivered once again.
Buckets of sand mean buckets of fun on a warm summer afternoon. That was my philosophy as a kid. My family lived in a beach side house, and I spent nearly every day out by the sea. Sometimes I would have friends with me, and sometimes I would be(more) alone. But I always had a bucket.
I built sand castles of all shapes and sizes. I dug down to build up. I would try to prevent the waves from being able to reach me, and then I would bury myself and others and hold conversations with their bodiless heads.
As I grew older my creations became more complex and beautiful. I started carrying a camera with me as well, to immortalize my creations before the waves could take them away from me. Countless pictures were taken of countless formations. From castles to sculptures, I did it all.
And then one day I stopped going to the beach as much. Who could say why. It just didn't appeal to me as much anymore. Nothing had changed, really. I just couldn't find it in me anymore to want to travel down and out into the sand.
So now here I stand, years and years later, back on the sand with which I created worlds in my youth. In one hand I hold a bucket, from which I pulled forth the memories so that I could share them with you. In the other is a camera which holds of few of those countless images. But what you don't know about is what is in the bucket. For today, this bucket holds no sand, but instead it holds a single diamond ring.
A few buckets of manure dumped on his head was enough to get Nick Astir, president of the world, angry. He vowed revenge on the people who did this to him. Using his power he stopped production of all female swimwear and banned its usage, forcing all females to(more) go naked when at a beach or pool. This turned out to have no negative repercussions at all and the world just went with it. President Astir then got his friend Dr. White to construct a media empire based around fortune telling for him. For 15 years the industry built itself to be one of the most powerful businesses in the world. Ultimately what ended up happening was that the president finally got his revenge. The perpetrator of the original incident was strangled by a pink lady's thong and had been stabbed in the heart.(less)