Before the end of what? I feel like my life is full of little endings. And you know what the worst part is? I'm never prepared for it.
Just think, you always know when something is beginning. You can see the start. But the end? I'm never prepared(more). Or maybe I'm just perpetually prepared. Ugh. I honestly just don't know.
On one hand, I steal myself away from actual relationships because this always happens.
What's "this" exactly?
Well, glad you asked.
This is when I search for a guy.
This is when I find one that loves relationships.
And likes me. And I like him! That's the beginning.
That's when I can see it all coming together.
And then This happens.
He leaves. Too soon, just when there's a glimmer of hope. Just when I think I've found what I've been looking for.
Not 'think', Know.
I've been in this town for 2 years and I've finally found a boy. And now he's gone. Does that make it the end? He'll only be gone for 10 months. So maybe I'll make this end a beginning. The start of a better me so I can be better for him.
How do I let myself fall this hard in such a short time?
I've built walls and just when I let them down for a boy I get reminded why I have them built up in the first place.
But I should've known this one would be special. He was #20. I said I'd stop at 20, so does that make him my end? So many questions.
Well for now I'll get into his inner friend circle. Try to save myself for him. Maybe. I'll try to do all this before he gets back and I make him
His eyes scanned the area. It's moss covered walls, a few rays of sunshine coming through larger cracks in the wall. despite this shadows still crawled everywhere. But he knew they wren't real they couldn't be. Just another hallucination, the world went dark as his eyelids shut for the(more) last time. He could swear he felt shadows creeping up his legs. But they weren't there and instead something sinister was. He couldn't have made it out in the dark even if he did open his eyes then. Through all of his hallucinations he forgot where he truly was. But the creature minded not. He had stepped to near and it was threatened, it's 100 something legs crawling steadily up his back. Still convinced it was a hallucination he barely flinched as the poison was injected. There are more sinister things around us than the monsters we can imagine.(less)
In winter, under a frozen elm tree, a woman sat waiting. She was waiting for anything, anybody. All she had for company was the sound of the hawks above, their shrieking calls echoing throughout the valley. Her head hung back looking toward them high up in the air. It was all she(more) could do. Whips of mist which pulled off a nearby hanging river gave them a spiritual look. Gods of the winter skies. She had followed them and wondered over them her whole life and now that she had found them again she couldn't leave, though now more than ever she really wanted to.
Under the blanket which lay over her below the waist was an injured leg. The knee was shattered, useless. It was the end result of a rough slip and slide down a rock face at the end of which was the elm tree that her knee went straight into, at a very good speed. The pain exploded throughout her body along with the knee. When she rubbed her fingers over it to examine the damage it felt like a sharp porous rock had been swapped in place of her kneecap. It wasn't so much the pain anymore but the feel of it that nearly made her vomit whenever she attempted to touch it. She held it back well but everytime she attempted to move her leg followed and she could feel the splinters of cracked bone rubbing against one another, very slightly, like broken egg shells. Fuck it she thought. Fuck it anyway.
That was over an hour ago and now leaning back looking up through the lens of her camera she promised that she would get the shot she always wanted, before the end came. For now it was just her and the hawks.
It's been years, or maybe months, I don't know I've lost track of time. She left me behind, she said she'd be back, I shouldn't of believed her.
I've been lucky, I've found food, in abundance. At least I won't be starving. There is also water, though i(more)t tastes funny, I don't know if that matters. The place is cold and hollow I don't go in unless I have to.
Everything feels new to me, though I feel like I've been over everything a million times at least. I explore it all, maybe I'll find the secret, before the end I just want to find hope that she'll be back.
Sometimes I find interesting things, but mostly I don't. More often then not, there are horrible sounds coming through the walls, growling mostly, there are other sounds they sound gigantic.
Wait did you hear that, down below. I run down stairs as the clacking sound grows louder and more intense. I reach the bottom step, and turn the corner at the door opens, and she's returned for me!
"Awww Rupert have you been a good boy today?" she asks
Of course I tell her, I've been very good.
"Did you miss your mummy" she says while patting my side, and giving me those oh so loved scratchings.
With every fiber of my being I've missed her, she came back to me, all that matters in my world is now here. I'm over come by joy, and exist in this moment alone.
This is a glass world
Or it may as well be
As we distort each others hopes
Painting them an array
Of empty colors
Splattering each others hearts
(more) With the weights of our own minds
And then we are not even done
Because as the glass
Around our cold
And lifeless hearts
Deteriorates over time
Causing hairline fractures
From years ago
To take hold
And break us apart
Just as we broke others
Before the end.
So welcome to this little glass world
As all I can give
Are words of luck
That will fade in but an hour
The woes of the world
Painting over the empty glass
Until everything we all know
And all that we each hold dear
Is covered in an apathetic
Coat of never-ending black
To the point that day
Holds no comfort
And to the point that night
Holds no more peace. (less)