join us
{it's free}
already a member?
home recent triggers submit trigger news  
Water bddp limited vimeo
take it back - first the words,
then keep unraveling the days

take it back, prehistoric, to a time
your emotional range hadn't ratcheted up exponentially.
imagine a time before that
night you missed the 5am greyhound transfer,
and they had fallen asleep, so you were alone, (more)
emptying your mind of the last eight months:

once filled with days filled with laughter, now holding nothing. i let our shared history spill out onto the sidewalk and freeze, ice over slick and opaque, so that maybe a passer-by would trip on it (and the certain somethings(more)
i thought you were wild for the longest time.

the shenanigans were always different, like geological activity - a volcano - an earthquake - a tsunami. a disruption, was the word. you said it with gritted teeth and a wicked smile. you said it and you clenched your(more)
my friend withdraws in disdain at the gristle and rubber of an open heart,
smeared on the pages,
not writing so much as finger painting
whatever whims are in my mind.
medium of exchange: you were here
then gone
then back again.

you were a currency-constant,
store of dizzying value. (more)
deep indents, sprawling.
the fissures across your chest
prevent draw of breath
we r all tourists, snapping photos
thru the slats of windows, getting foggy glimpses of another life. we build houses on shifting slabs of earth
& accumulate, & accumulate
like rats in a burrow, like shitty hotel guests (more)
why do we still giggle and feed each other oily instant meals,
both eating off of the other's fork,
when we hate one another so much?

when we kiss you taste like two-minute lasagna (more)
it's summer so time
for SAT prep, and physics practice,
and volunteering in a chilly air-conditioned room
in a shirt with a stiff collar.

rest in peace, (more)
sometimes there was money, bills neatly folded -
sometimes it was hair bands,
the answer,
an escape route.
whatever i needed to see.
please read behind lines and
pick locked doors with your eyelashes.
there aren't answers on my lips but rather
in the swooping slant of my eyebrows,
raised, terrified.
a universal constant:
nothing is true forever.
focus, focus - focusfocusfocus
until you can see the light through the blood in your capillaries
that lurk at the back of your eye.
focus until the tunnel vision turns black on either side
until words pour indiscriminate from your gaping jaw focus
focus until you don't know what(more)
so oddly specific -
what does a cowboy cry about? a broken saddle? a lost shootout? would there even be time for tears?
there's nothing in spurs & felt hats that makes them manly.
their tear ducts can bleed as surely as any other's would.

what does (more)
no you see we are LAUGHING at how sad we are!
there is black caked under our nails.
maybe we will cover it with incandescent polish
so you will see our half-moon cuticles.
you can see it and remember! it will be our inside joke.