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Vendgilante
Salem
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I hadn't expected to come across this. My trip to London was not going as well as I had planned. My goal was to learn their mysterious foreign ways in order to pick up their accent and impress women.

Instead I was witnessing what was apparently the bloodies(more)
"That was the signal. To give you a bow and arrow. And you got one.

Congratulations you're human."

That was what my uncle told me before he bestowed upon me this legendary weapon. I wasn't sure if this was still part of The Test because I'm still(more)
The invention of the steam-engine was what made this moment possible.

Today was Andy Hess's 19th birthday and things were going to change.
(more)
"Sorry dude, I don't swing that way."

"Won't you please reconsider? For us?"

"Well alright. If it really means that much to you, I guess I'll vote Republican this year."

"Huh? I was talking about you and I getting married!"

"Do you mean to tell(more)
Once upon a time there was a room and it was really hot. Just Kidding. It was cold. Dahaha. Did you like my Christmas trick? I made it special. :)
It's almost Spring Break and the best part is that if I don't manage to catch up on my daily assignments, I'm going to fail all my classes! How cheerful!
AWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BITCHES. POKEMON MYSTERY DUNGEON: GATES TO INFINITY COMES OUT NEXT MONTH!!!!!!......


.......except I still don't have a 3DS :C
I am not in the club and I never will be.

I wish I was in the club but I do not deserve to be there.

The club only accepts people who can work diligently. I've already failed that requirement.

Instead, as I race against time(more)
"Now that I've eaten steak, corn, and potatoes to the point where I am comfortably full, I should go get some pizza..."
It's 4:12 AM. Class is in about 4 and a half hours. I am frantically working on one of my assignments when I realize that...I did it wrong.

It's too late now though. I can't redo this essential element. I'll have to go with my flaw and accept(more)
"USE WATER GUN!!!!!!!", Ash shouted.

>It's super effective!...

"But wait, how come your Pokemon still has lots of health?"

"You idiot, a level 5 Squirtle's Water Gun does nothing to a level 79 Volcarona..."

"Oops. Guess I should have picked Charizard! That'll be more effective!!!"(more)
I would write something interesting but that sounds Linda boring...
A few buckets of manure dumped on his head was enough to get Nick Astir, president of the world, angry. He vowed revenge on the people who did this to him. Using his power he stopped production of all female swimwear and banned its usage, forcing all females to(more)
"How did the mailman drop his package?

Deliverately! Ehhhh?! Wocka wocka!"

...if a god exists I ask that he send us the biggest deliverance of all...shoot the one who made that joke...
Harry lifted his tray and put it in the oven. Inside was his latest pastry of perfection. He was going to do this. They laughed at him for trying but now who's laughing? That's right. He managed to make a single cookie. But this was no ordinary cookie. This(more)