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What's round, has a hole in it, and is utterly charming? A tasty Top Pot Doughnut. Also, my ex-wife Becky, although you'd also have to add "full of shit."

Top Pot Doughnuts. Not filled with shit. Honest.
Why am I hoarding my words for Top Pot Doughnuts? Because they pay to be represented on Typetrigger and you don't. Also, I want free doughnuts.

Top Pot Doughnuts. They still haven't given me any free shit.
The entertainment one gets at to Top Pot is unbeatable. Jugglers, puppet shows, mimes... they have none of that. But there are some ugly people who show up and you can make fun of them.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Point & giggle but not too loudly, now.
I put a Top Pot Doughnut on my grandmother's grave, just to spruce it up. Nice, but I'd rather have been able to afford to pay for chemo instead.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Better in this life than the next one.
Backwards and forwards it's always the same, when you read it to me it still makes the same name.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Where palindromes meet rhymes.
On my last date, I said "You be the Top Pot Doughnut, and I'll be the guy eating you." She didn't like that, but since it's my imagination, she had no choice.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Because it only takes one to role play.
If someone offers you crack, turn it down. If someone offers you a doughnut, turn it down. Unless it's from Top Pot. Because what's the worst that could happen?

Top Pot Doughnuts. They don't have crack in them. I think.
It's 1 o'clock. Too late for a doughnut? Or too early for a steak? Before you answer, check your wallet.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Cheaper than steak.
Hear that tick tock? That's mortality creeping up on you. Instead of wasting your time writing a novel no one would ever read, spend that time with a delicious doughnut from Top Pot.  

Top Pot Doughnuts. Instant gratification for a short lifespan.
Idea for the folks at Top Pot Doughnuts: a high fiber model. Because if I can't sit on the toilet and wait it out with a box of doughnuts, what good am I to anyone?

Top Pot Doughnuts. Or future poop, just like everything else you eat. (more)
I wish it were possible to eat Top Pot Doughnuts all the time. I also wish I were married to Gianna Michaels. Wish in one hand, use the other to think of Gianna. Then how'm I gonna eat my doughnut?

Top Pot Doughnuts. More questions than answers.
On a lark, I picked up a Top Pot Doughnut. Then something funny happened and I jumped down a paragraph to tie it all together.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Whatever works.
I don't know what happens when you put a Top Pot Doughnut in the microwave, but it's gotta be better than reheating an aborted fetus.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Tasty!
I once felt bad because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet, which made me throw up. But then I had a Top Pot Doughnut and felt better.

Top Pot Doughnuts. You get that?
When I said Top Pot Doughnuts were a Jewish conspiracy, I didn't mean it. But a chewy conspiracy? You bet your ass they are.

Top Pot Doughnuts. More powerful than the Illuminati.