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Top Pot Doughnuts are not bullet proof. There's a cop joke in here somewhere, but I'm not into hack comedy.

Top Pot Doughnuts. (spinning bow tie)
The first words they say to you at Top Pot Doughnuts are "Hi, welcome to Top Pot." Unlike my mom's house, where the first words are "You again. Now what?"

Top Pot Doughnuts. Friendlier than mom.

Some people deal with their massive depression by eating copious amounts of Top Pot Doughnuts. I deal with it by writing about them.

Top Pot Doughnuts. It's art, goddammit.
You ever sneeze while eating a Top Pot Doughnut? No? Gee, I wonder why.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Cures sneezing while aiding obesity.
Try eating Top Pot Doughnuts while you're in church. It's not like there's a God so what do you have to lose? Besides a leg to diabetes, I mean.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Cutting shoe sales by 50%, one pastry at a time.
You can get Top Pot doughnuts to go! Best enjoyed at home when wearing a tinfoil hat with the shades down while you work on your conspiracy theory blog.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Made from the stuff that's in chemtrails.
Are Top Pot Doughnuts juicy? No. But a lot of things aren't.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Get with the program, jackass.
If you want to expand your body of knowledge, read a book. If you want to expand your body, just start scarfing down the Top Pot.

Top Pot Doughnuts. You're gonna need some bigger pants.
Top Pot's doughnuts are quite different from others. How so? Well, they... I mean.... they're shaped.... yeah, I'm not sure. But white people really like them.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Doughnuts for crackers.
The makers of Top Pot didn't get into this racket to increase the diabetes. That's crazy. They did it to make a whole lotta money. Mission accomplished.

Top Pot Doughtnuts. Ka-ching!
Imagine if there was a hen that laid Top Pot Doughnuts instead of eggs. That would be pretty weird, huh?

Top Pot Doughnuts. Doughnuts the way nature intended.
I wonder what kind of paperwork Top Pot filed to be the official doughnut sponsor of Typetrigger. It couldn't have been more than 300 words.

Top Pot Doughnuts. Enjoy the self-reference
Does Top Pot Doughtnuts have a pumpkin pie pastry? I don't know. Probably in October. Check back then.

Top Pot Doughnuts. They are a mystery.
"Becoming The" is an anagram for "bitch genome," much like "Top Pot Doughtnuts" is an anagram for "Dong Pushup To Tot."

Top Pot Doughnuts. Blowing your mind. Or "Numbing Odor Wildly"
What do Top Pot Doughnuts and dirty knees have in common? You can get both of them from blowing a fat guy.

Top Pot Doughnuts. They get rid of the aftertaste like you wouldn't believe.