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I wanted a bass guitar when I was 13, 14. I had dreams that just owning an instrument would be my way out. I would immediately make punk friends, they would identify with my shitty poetry, we would smash shit on stage, get paid. We would live together &(more)
I sometimes get itchy to be elsewhere, anywhere.

But I hate to travel. If I even leave my house for too long I have a panic attack. When I am leaving for work, I make it to the end of the driveway before I have to go bac(more)
I'm good to my mom, I take her to dinner. Two-three times a year. She likes Chinese. We have a place we go.      

OK, it's slightly less sometimes, being honest. Time flies, et cetera. And she's old. Ma or not, she doesn't have much going on. Cries, say(more)
Things always looked worse in the mornings. The unlovely light of winter mornings, the ruralness outside with no assurance of other life made the overnight snowfall look harsher. Yet the radio rarely declared a snow day despite the thick inches silencing the world further.

Our dad kept th(more)
Community hall nights, when cribbage takes place, and liquor made from potato peelings can be purchased. Hunters lay out inedible body parts on the table. The bony bits. Later they will be burned. It is a fortnightly bonfire intended to float grief & responsibility away. The old way of(more)
There are many places you can't see when you are a child. These are the places where dark dreams spin themselves like nets. Under the bed, in the closet, in the dark. You only know with certainty the 4 cold inches in front of your nose. It is not(more)
They talk about planting seeds for the future. They mean ambition and planning ahead. Some people don't have the dirt for seeds. You can't plan ahead when your fridge is empty, your stomach a hollow block. Or when you know not just your mom's payday, but that it's already(more)
After the truth came out she was recast in a new light. She didn't feel like she fit in the world anymore - the stream of everyday life didn't sweep her along. She didn't float, she sank. She couldn't breathe. Her own conscience strangled her; time sat like a(more)
I will take suggestions on how to be happy
And how to live

Normally, like any woman will:

A life clustered with pleasures and meaning - (more)
When the rain falls for the first time in weeks, and it is a summer night, and  you haven't been feeling well, although you are going through the motions -

When the stars are so bright, the night so dark, that the very fact of the sky stings like(more)
Is this me?

When i want to be someone better, more gleaming

When i want to have snapped like floss my flaws that trail and tangle

I don't want you to love me yet, i don't want love.

I don't even want you to loo(more)
I come in the door, 2am, leave my shoes on, don't take off my coat although I am sweating. I always hurry home from shift, but for what? To get a head start on a long empty night, to get the jump on doing nothing? I walk in the(more)
My neighbor's stoop has a welcome mat that faces the wrong way and is covered in stains, like someone dropped a coffee while fumbling for housekeys. Her apartment has a permanent miasma of weedsmoke outside it.

When she is awake, which is apparently not often, 70s rock musi(more)
I could have a bonfire with most of the things I own and never miss them again.

But the problem with trying to clean house is the process itself: emptying the shelves and drawers and looking at belongings one by one, remembering how you acquired them or wh(more)
They keep saying that soon the Big One will hit the West Coast and we will all be fucked.

Goodbye to the easy-breezy lifestyle brought on by our temperate weather, our laid-back manners, the way we are better than the rest of Canada with our mountain vistas (more)