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Drowning
Castiel
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today i'm wearing black
for he death
of us
the death of ideas
moments
innocence (more)
do not touch me if you don't love me

my trembling knees aren't yours to keep balanced if  you're indifferent to my collapse

i'd rather crumble
i didn't hear sirens
only my mother's panic
god
it's not that i've given up on you
i just never gave you a chance in the first place
make my lips shrivel and flake like the grass and plants you buried beneath you like a treasure

when spring comes, kiss me and make it all better
my legs
my arms
my entire body aches
from trying to stay above the surface

i know i'm close to sinking (more)
alone used to be getting lost in the grocery store when you were 5 and frantically searching for your mother

alone used to be hiding in the darkest, most frightening corners so you'd win hide and seek

alone used to be getting picked last for the dodgeball(more)
define relapse for me

is it falling back
into old
harmful
habits (more)
i've been choosing this
whole thing
over everything i've ever known, everything i've ever
known has really been nothing
but i've been thinking that maybe (more)
i use you to soothe me
and you do the same
is that love?
that
  will
   count
    for
     something
(more)
is it possible
to take a nice, long sick leave
during my own life?
i don't think your eyes are grim
i think they're two tired oceans
waiting to be swam in or sailed upon
or at least for some wind to pick up
and toss the water back and forth like a ball
it was my cousin's old bike
a "boy's bike"
but not for long
a year later it was covered with purple stickers
and pink streamers flowed out of the handle bars
"i want to write!"
  don't bother

"i'm going to draw today."
    don't bother
(more)