I am wandering through my hometown,
or my old town.
Maybe its not my
I walk the same streets,
looking at the same cracks in the asphalt.
(more) The cracks have been there for more than 7 years.
How come I notice these things?
Maybe because I kept my head down too much.
And why is that?
They hurt me.
They reached inside where its dark,
and twisted my stomach.
I was shitting rivers
and feeling my heart pound.
Beat by beat.
Standing behind closed doors,
scared as shit.
You saw it,
and you heard me try to explain.
But you closed your ears.
I held the key,
but needed someone
to be my porch light.
I smell the same smells,
Maybe the episodes aren't so clear in my memory,
but the flashbacks of the feelings are stronger.
How long is it going to be,
before I can be completely released.
Trying to be here without tearing up.
I want you to see my feelings,
they say pictures say more than a thousand words.
What if you don't have a picture,
and what if you don't have a thousand words?
How can you feel it,
and how can you understand,
how can you make me less self-absorbed?
and I have not. (less)
Where you are,
I am not.
You are whiskey,
now you are beer.
I am suddenly aroun the corner
looking at you,
(more) trying to find the key.
And you say that
I am school night,
and that is true.
I have been thinking about you for some time, you are barely in my eye. Watching, thinking, dreaming, wanting to hold your hand. All that mushy cheesy stuff. I am slightly here, and barely there. You drink whiskey most of the time, I drink beer most of the time.(more) You told me the truth, I did not want it to be the truth, but I need to accept. Especially since I asked. I wanted your answer, but not the answer you gave me. Time is catching up, I am here, further away. I don't want to be here, and i don't want to be there. In this summer, I will think, I will wait for things to happen. I keep thinking about you and your body, you and your smile, your eyes. I keep thinking about the way you laugh, and the way you say my name. I don't really like when its watered down, when people just say one of my names, or give me nicknames I haven't approved of. You are barely there, please come and take me where you are fully there. I want you to not let me hang here by the phone, waiting for you to answer me. Why is this just the samem the same old shit. I want it to be new shit, and not just random ramblings. (less)
He was just on his way out with his skateboard when the rain started pouring down. I thought to myself that karma was kicking in. Then I remember that I had been spilling hot water on my toes twice this last week. I wondered to myself who it was(more) that was punished, and who had done what wrong. Last night I was at home packing up my stuff to go home for the summer. I was watching the thunder and lightening hit the earth with a good amount of rain. I kept thinking that it would be awesome if I really did believe in Thor and Odin. What a message they would be sending to us here on earth. I think that mother earth sendes us messages all the time, telling us not that the earth will go under, but that she is ready to spit us out. I am scared of death though. I told my friend Ariel last night that I sometimes did not feel worthy of life, she told me flat out that some people aren't worthy of death. I guess we are all in confusion. Who is the one who has done wrong, and what has been done wrong. I keep looking at the foreground, its out of focus, but once I get going I will get there. But maybe the foreground is always slightly out of focus? (less)